Why trying to be lean made me miserable

I’ve been royally rubbish at updating this blog and I’m sorry! My new job means by the time I get home I’m exhausted and my weekends have been really busy. But don’t worry, I haven’t fallen off the gym wagon (check my Instagram feed for proof!). I’m still getting up at 545am to hit the gym and trying to eat as healthy as I can. But in the last two weeks something changed and it all happened when I reached a target. It wasn’t hitting a PB or smashing a circuit, it was actually hitting a macro goal which when you think about it is pretty lame. 
Earlier in the year I set myself a new target to get leaner. This meant moving to hybrid training with a mixture of heavy weights and cardio/strength based circuits. The training was exhausting and if you want to sweat then try it! The food was even harder. Cutting to 1,700 calories a day and a macro split of 20% carbs, 40% protein and 40% fat is near on impossible (that’s like zero carbs!). In the last few months, I’ve only ever hit that macro goal once and that was two weeks ago. I felt so happy at the time but you know what, I didn’t look or feel any different and it made me feel down. It was like I’d wasted my time. The fact that it made me feel like this made me reassess where I was on my journey. If I’m spending all day obsessing over what food I can or can’t eat just so I can have abs that are hidden under clothes then what is the point? Below are two pictures I posted showing the result of a bad weekend of food and one day of eating healthier but not restrictive. 

This is as far as I’d like to go. I’ve kind of reached my peak leanness and if I want to go any further then that involves some very strict diet and fasted cardio. I ain’t doing that! I like my weekends of wine, I like my carbs and I want to start hitting some PBs again. Being lean is great but you also can’t lift heavy. Maybe one day I’ll go back and this time with a different mindset, but for now I’m done.
Last week I made a decision to change my training because I realised that lifting heavy is something I love. There’s nothing more satisfying then smashing a PB and also shocking people at the same time; I’m quite small but I can lift heavy. If you’re not happy with your training or where you are then just stop and reassess. What makes you happy? What drives you? Find the answer to that and then you’ll love your training again and that’s the most important thing.

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